The Postcard Tour
A con man sold the Eiffel Tower for scrap metal — twice. A handyman stole the Mona Lisa, took a bus home, and kept it under his bed for two years. France traded Egypt a three-thousand-three-hundred-year-old obelisk for a clock that arrived broken and has never been fixed. A hundred and eighty thousand bees survived the Notre-Dame fire by gorging on honey and hugging their queen. Eight of the most photographed places on Earth, and the stories the postcards leave out. Eighty percent of what the Bad Historian tells you is documented history. Twenty percent he invented — you find out which at the end.
What You'll Experience
Plan your walk
Know the route before you buy
- Starts at
- Introduction
- Ends at
- The Reveal
- Walking plan
- 58 min at your own pace
- Schedule
- Start, pause, and resume anytime
Included in the app
- Professional narration
- GPS-triggered stops
- Downloadable tour audio
- Ask the Historian Q&A
- Optional end-of-tour reveal
- All 10 story stops
A taste of what you'll hear
10 stops, each with its own story. Here's a preview.
"You're in Paris. Which means you're standing in a city that let a con man sell the Eiffel Tower for scrap metal TWICE, where the oldest bridge is called the New Bridge, and where the most famous paint..."
"You're standing on — or near — the Pont Neuf. In English, that means New Bridge. It is the OLDEST bridge in Paris. Four hundred and twenty years old and still called the New Bridge. Paris has never bothered to fix this."
"Alright, Bad Historians. You made it. Five kilometers through Paris, eight stops, and nobody guillotined you. That's a better survival rate than most people managed in the seventeen nineties. Let's see how you did."
Tour itinerary
Every stop on this walk
Explore the route before you go. Each stop has its own story preview, location details, and place in the larger tour.
- 11IntroductionYou're in Paris. Which means you're standing in a city that let a con man sell the Eiffel Tower for scrap metal TWICE, where the oldest...48.8584, 2.2945 Read this stop
- 22The Eiffel TowerSo. The Eiffel Tower. Three hundred and thirty meters tall, seven thousand three hundred tonnes of iron, two and a half million rivets.48.8584, 2.2945 Read this stop
- 33Les Invalides — Napoleon's TombSee that golden dome? That's the Dome des Invalides — a hundred and seven meters tall, covered in twelve kilograms of gold leaf, and the...48.8567, 2.3125 Read this stop
- 44Place de la ConcordeThis is the Place de la Concorde — eight and a half hectares of open space, the largest public square in Paris.48.8656, 2.3213 Read this stop
- 55The LouvreWelcome to the Louvre. See that glass pyramid? When it was announced in the early nineteen eighties, ninety percent of Parisians were...48.8606, 2.3376 Read this stop
- 66Pont NeufYou're standing on — or near — the Pont Neuf. In English, that means New Bridge. It is the OLDEST bridge in Paris.48.8568, 2.3415 Read this stop
- 77Sainte-ChapelleThis is Sainte-Chapelle. If you can get inside — and do whatever you have to do to get inside — you're about to walk into one of the most...48.8554, 2.3451 Read this stop
- 88Notre-Dame CathedralThere it is. Notre-Dame. Eight hundred and sixty years old, give or take a fire and a five-year restoration.48.8530, 2.3500 Read this stop
- 99The PantheonThat building with the enormous dome and the Corinthian columns — that's the Pantheon. Eighty-three meters tall. A hundred columns inside.48.8462, 2.3464 Read this stop
- 1010The RevealAlright, Bad Historians. You made it. Five kilometers through Paris, eight stops, and nobody guillotined you.48.8462, 2.3464 Read this stop
Stories first
Every stop is built around people, conflict, ambition, and consequences—not a plaque read aloud.
Most of it is true. The extra mischief is just a wink at the end, but the story is what carries the walk.
Have questions? Just ask.
Curious about something you heard? Want to know more about a place? Ask us anything — we have a lot to say. It's more fun when it's a conversation.
Ready?
Download the app, head to the starting point, and press play. The stories start themselves.
Get the AppBefore you go
Quick answers
How much is this tour?
$9.99 as a one-time purchase in the iOS app. The Paris city pack is $14.99 and includes every currently available tour in the city.
Can I use it with spotty cell service?
Download the tour audio on Wi-Fi before leaving. Cached narration plays without streaming; map tiles and other online features may still need a connection.
Do I have to start at a specific time?
No. Start when it suits you, pause for a detour or meal, and resume later. Check the opening hours of any venue you personally plan to enter.
Are admission tickets included?
The purchase covers the Bad Historian audio experience. Transportation, food, and admission to third-party attractions are not included.
Other Paris Tours
Le Marais
Le Marais: Mansions, Masterpieces & the Best Falafel in Europe
A teenage forger who saved fourteen thousand lives because he knew how to remove an ink stain. A family who paid the biggest tax bill in art history in Picassos — France lets you do that — and the state hung the payment in a mansion Parisians nicknamed Salted after a skimmed salt tax. Marcel Proust's cork-lined bedroom, where he wrote a million words lying down. The prettiest neighborhood in Paris is named after a swamp, its poshest square has been wearing fake painted brick for four hundred years, and the loudest fight on its oldest street is over falafel. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
Montmartre
Montmartre: Geniuses, Gluttons & Goats
A four-foot-eight aristocrat who smuggled absinthe into the most famous nightclub in Europe inside his walking cane. A trapeze acrobat who taught herself to paint by watching Renoir and Toulouse-Lautrec work, then became the first woman admitted to the French Salon — she kept a goat that ate her bad drawings. A donkey whose tail painted a masterpiece accepted into an official Paris art exhibition. Montmartre was its own tax-free town until eighteen sixty, and that's the real reason every broke genius in France ended up on this hill. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
Opéra / Champs-Élysées
The Grand Boulevards: The Man Who Demolished Paris
One man demolished nineteen thousand seven hundred and thirty buildings to rebuild Paris — including the house he was born in. An opera house with a real lake in the basement, where firefighters practice swimming in total darkness. A pilot who landed a biplane on the roof of a department store, collected twenty-five thousand francs from the store, and got fined sixteen francs by the police. A painter billed three hundred twenty-three thousand francs for a toppled monument — down to the last sixty-eight centimes — who escaped it by dying one day before the first payment was due. And a war hero who flew a plane straight through the Arc de Triomphe with about three meters to spare per wing. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
Île de la Cité
The Islands & the River
In nineteen eighty-four, sewer workers found a live crocodile under the oldest bridge in Paris — she got a name, an enclosure decorated to look like the sewers, and a death certificate. A queen waiting for the guillotine got an escape plan smuggled into her cell inside a flower, and answered it by pricking holes in paper with a pin. And an army of carpenters just rebuilt a cathedral roof with hand axes — on purpose, because that's how the first crew did it eight hundred years ago. Two islands, one river, one ice cream shop so confident it closes for the summer. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
Latin Quarter
The Left Bank: Thinkers, Drinkers & Dreamers
A secret society that let themselves into the Panthéon after hours, built a hidden workshop under the dome with armchairs and a mini-bar, and spent a year fixing a national clock the government had ignored for forty years — the government sued them, and lost. Ernest Hemingway, too broke for lunch, catching pigeons in the Luxembourg Gardens and smuggling them home in his son's stroller. A bookshop owner with zero publishing experience who put out the most important novel of the twentieth century because every real publisher was afraid of it. And a bookstore where thirty thousand travelers have slept for free among the shelves — the rent is one page of your life story. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
The Postcard Tour
$9.99 · one-time